Tell Them To Remember The Stars
by Bella-faye
Summary: 12 year old Lucie Cross has been through a lot. She tried to kill herself, but didn't succeed. Now she's in the foster care system, and ends up at the Cullen's house. She distrusts the entire family. Will she let them help her? Canon Pairings.
1. In The Eyes Of A Wounded Child

_Tell Them To Remember The Stars_

_This story contains child abuse. I can't tell you right now if it will get graphic or not, but I'll put up a warning at the top of chapters that I think may bother people._

_Lucie is my own character._

_I've had personal experience with child abuse, so some of this is taken from my own experiences. Please do not be offended by anything that is said, or done in this fic. It will not always be sad, and depressing, though the beginning of it will be._

_Alice can see the future and the past._

_The entire Cullen family will be involved, minus Bella._

_Thank you, and enjoy :)_

_Warning, this chapter contains memories of an abusive past and speaks about things that may bother or disturb some people._

She sees a vision all too real

of a helpless little girl

Taken from her innocence

into her shattered world.-Christina

_Chapter One: In the eyes of A Wounded Child_

"Momma?" The little girl called out cautiously, peeking around the corner of the hallway and into the kitchen.

"Momma?" She asked again when she saw her Mother sitting alone at the kitchen table, a long shiny stick in her hand. Her Momma turned toward her, and the little girl flinched back when she saw her Momma's red rimmed eyes, and the bruises that lined her forearms. Her Momma took the bright, shiny stick and stuck it in her arm, causing the little girl to gasp and her eyes to widen. Her Momma sighed, leaning her head back and the front door banged open as her guy friend came through the door. The little girl knew not to come out of her room with the guy friends came over, because Momma said they liked to play grown up games and she wasn't allowed to. So the little girl retreated to her room, curled up in bed hugging a ragged teddy bear, and slept.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

My name is Lucie, and I am twelve years old. I have a mother, and a father, but I don't live with them anymore. Well, actually, I never knew my Daddy, and I guess I don't really know my Mom either. But, that's besides the point.

Anyway, a couple of months ago I tried to kill myself. I just felt so empty, you know? I was just so tired. So, so tired, and I just gave up. Hell, I'm still giving up. First I stopped eating for a couple of weeks, I didn't really notice, to be honest. I didn't do it on purpose. I just didn't feel like eating. Not that we really had any food to begin with anyway.

Then I started cutting, simply because I could control it. I know, it sounds stupid, but it was the only kind of pain I could -can- control. It was like every time I cut, it wasn't just blood leaving my body, it was pain, fear, hate, anger, depression...everything. It became an addiction, and even know my arms itch with the urge to cut.

So, I tried to kill myself. A lot of people told me that I didn't mean to do it, that it was a cry for attention, and that I had no idea what I was doing. That it was all a mistake, and that I was just upset. They're wrong. I _did _want to die, hell most of the time I still do.

They found stuff though, that night that I was in the hospital, and they took me away from home. I stayed at a clinic for a while, then at a group home, then at two foster homes. Now I'm on to my third, a home with the Cullens.

Now, I have no idea who the Cullens are, or why they would ever want to take me in. I'm a pretty fucked up kid. I manage to wake entire households with the screams from my nightmares, I sometimes wet the bed (I know, ew, right?), I have trouble eating, and I still have the urge to cut. I am moody, rude, and I have an attitude problem. I'm sure all of these things are in my file. So why would they want me? I could only justify it that they had some sort of deal with the foster system, or that they were doing someone a favor or something. Whatever. It couldn't bear there choice.

So, I know found myself standing at the front door of a large white house with two suitcases, shuffling my feet. I smoothed my long black hair, blinked slowly, and took a deep breath, then knocked on the door.

I heard light foot steps coming from inside, and heard muffled voices speaking. then the door opened.

A tall woman with chocolate brown hair and brown eyes stood before me, smiling.

"You must be Lucie?" I nodded, "Please, come in." I hesitated for only a second before entering, pulling my suitcases along behind me. A tall man with blonde hair, whom I presumed to be Carlisle, Esm's husband, stood beside her.

"The rest of the family are in the living room, dear, waiting for us. We'll make introductions and then I'll show you up to your room, I'm sure the journey has tired you a bit, hmmm?" I nodded, telling the truth. It had. It had been an extremely long plane ride, and then a two hour car ride. I was exhausted.

I brushed my hair down and straightened my white tank top before walking up the stone steps to the front entrance.

"No need to be nervous, Lucie." Esme assured me as Carlisle began to walk. I rolled my eyes at her and sighed.

We walked in, Esme's high heels clicking on the dark hard wood floor. The hallway leading to the living room was white, and lined with pictures. In the living room sat five teenagers, lounging on a leather couch and two arm chairs. Upon our entrance they all stood up quickly.

I crossed my arms, cocked my hip, and stood there examining them as Carlisle and Esme made introductions.

Emmet was first. He approached me with a wide smile accented with large dimples, and open, friendly eyes. He was _huge_. He stood at 6'5 and had muscles to rival any body builder known to man. Dark brown, curly hair sat over a prominate forehead. His entire appearance screamed 'Hey. I'm huge, but come hug me anyway!', but I knew better than that. I rudely declined his handshake, which didn't seem to faze him at all, and sighed as the next boy approached.

Edward was tall, but not quite as tall as Emmet, probably maxing out around 6'2. His face was sharp and angular, high cheekbones, strong jawline, straight nose and full lips. His bronze colored hair was in casual disarray, and he simply watched me as we stood in front of each other. Our eyes met and we seemed to reach some sort of an unspoken agreement. He did not reach out to shake my hand, or even smile at me in any way. He in no way seemed like he was ok with my being here, and I liked him all the more for it. He nodded at me, I nodded back and he retreated to his earlier place on the couch.

I sneered at the next girl who came up. She was 'perfect'. Long blond hair, slender, legs that went on for miles, perfect complexion and a well proportioned face. No doubt all the guys at school drooled at her on a daily basis. There was no doubt in my mind that she would be a conceited bitch.

"You look like a hooker." She told me flatly. I gasped in shock at her blatant dislike for me, and balled my fists up by my sides. I opened my mouth to retaliate and felt a cold hand come around my left wrist.

Now, I'll let you know something now. I don't do well with being touched. In fact I _hate_ being touched. One would think it would be rather obvious if you just looked at the way I stood, and the aura I gave off, but apparently not. Therefore, my reaction wasn't _completely_ unfounded.

First I flinched, then I tensed. Then I whirled around, my right fist flying through the air and making a satisfying 'crunch' noise as it made contact with a pixie like girls nose. I was breathing hard, and trying very hard to cover it up.

The room was silent for a moment, then Carlisle rushed over to the black haired girl who was clutching her nose, blood running down her face. Emmet jumped up and glared at me, the blond girl gaped at me, Edward was stalking over towards me, and the blond haired boy was standing next to the black haired girl, looking ridiculously anxious.

"Eh..." I wasn't really sure what to do. This certainly was not the way I had planned on presenting myself to my new family.

"Sorry?" I really was sorry. I was just...startled.

"It doesn't look to be broken." Carlisle muttered, pulling a handkerchief from his pocket and handing it to the black haired girl. Seriously, who carried handkerchiefs around anymore?

"Alice, tilt your head back and hold your nose." Ah, so Alice was her name. She leaned her head back as directed and held it to her nose tightly.

"Lucie, I'm sorry if she startled you, but I want to make it clear right now that violence is not tolerated in our home, is that clear?" Esme told me sternly. I stood there, considering for a moment. I suppose it was to be expected that they wouldn't want me to be harming their family, so I nodded.

"Yep."

Rose humphed, turned and stormed up the stairs dramatically. I had to fight to keep a smug smirk off of my face.

"Esme, dear, I'm sure Lucie is tired, why don't you take her on up stairs and I'll finish fixing Alice up, ok?"

Esme gave him a soft smile and nodded before gesturing to to follow her up the stair case.

"There are three floors to the house. The bottom floor consists of the kitchen, foyer, living room, a bathroom, a dining room, and a recreation room. The second floor," she began, gesturing around her as she spoke, "is the floor with most of the bedrooms." I looked down the hall to see white doors lining the way, all perfectly spaced between one another. The dark hardwood floor was a drastic contrast to the red of the walls. At the end of the hall there was a sit in window seat, and a black table with a vase of forget me nots on top of it.

"Your bedroom is the last one of the right. It used to be the guest room, so I hope you still like it, but if not, we can certainly change the color scheme or whatever you want." She assured me as she opened the door to the room.I entered and saw that the hardwood floor extended into this room as well. The walls were a light, sea foam green, and a large double bed was covered in a white duet and throw pillows. There was a dresser, a closet, and book shelves. There was also another door, that I assumed led to a bathroom. It was simple, but elegant.

"Mine and Carlisle's room is on the third floor, along with some storage space. If you need either of us at any time, feel free to come and wake us up. We won't be angry with you, at all." I nodded, though I doubted I would ever take Esme up on her offer.

"Well...you already ate at the center, right?" I nodded. A wonderful meal of stale bread and nasty soup. Yum. But it was better than nothing. I had hardly eaten any of it anyway.

"Alright then, I guess I'll leave you to unpack." With that she exited the room, shutting the door and leaving me alone.

I took my suitcases and dumped them out on the bed, disregarding the fact that the bed was white and I would probably get it filthy. Well, it was their fault anyway. People should know better then to use anything white besides sheets on a bed.

I sorted my clothing into folded piles. Skirts in one pile, t shirts in another. Then tank tops, jeans, sweat pants, pj pants, shorts, leggings, and underwear went into other piles. It didn't take me all that long, because I didn't really have all that much stuff.

I put everything away in the dresser, after changing into more comfortable clothing. Sitting on the bed, thinking, I found myself tracing the still healing scars on my wrist.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"_Lucie!" Mark hollered, banging on the door. I jumped, my heart pounding. He was drunk, and he always got worse when he was drunk. All of the guys my Mom brought home did._

"_Lucie!" Bang. Jump. Thud._

_The door knob jiggled and I closed my eyes tightly, curling in on myself. I scooted as far back under my bed as I could get and wedged myself in the corner of the room that my bed was push against. Quickly, I pulled an old sweater that had, at some point, been thrown under my bed and covered myself up as best as I could. It was a feeble attempt at hiding, but it might just work._

_I heard wood crack violently as the door was pushed open forcefully and he entered, stumbling._

"_Lu? Lucie?" He asked, sound confused. I could almost picture him scratching his head, his blood shot brown eyes darting around in confusion. I shifted and held my breath when I banged my head loudly against the top of the bed._

"_Ah, Lucie, you shouldn't hide from me." He said in a scolding voice, "It's not nice." My chest tightened in fear when I saw him bend down, getting on his hands and knees, and look under the bed at me. Clearly my attempt at hiding under the sweater hadn't worked. He reached a grimy, oily, sweat covered hand under the bed and grabbed my ankle. I kicked out forcefully and succeeded in kicking his hand away. He scowled and growled in frustration, this time grabbing more tightly. I tried desperately to dig my fingers into the stained carpet, but to no avail. He quickly had me out from under neath the bed, and shaking on the floor in front of him._

_He licked his cracked, red lips and stood, his hand wrapped around one of my skinny wrists. He dragged me to my feet, and my heart skipped a beat and I held on to my breath._

"_Lucie, Lucie, Lucie. You know better than that." It was true. I did know better than that. But my eleven year old mind couldn't push away the need to hide, and to keep myself safe from him. There was no way i would ever go willing to this man._

"_I'm sorry." I whispered, looking at the floor. My long black hair dangled in front of my eyes, so all I could see was his brow, leather shoes._

"_Sorry's not good enough." He growled, suddenly sounding very, very angry. He backhanded me, and I managed to stay on my feet, not saying anything. He forcefully jerked my face up, so I had to look him in the eyes. "Your Momma's not home, Lucie." He whispered menacingly. It didn't really matter if Mom was home, anyway. She never did anything to stop it, she never really seemed to care what would happen to me._

_He ran a hand through my hair and struggled to suppress a shudder. I closed my eyes, a single tear leaking out and running down my face._

_I felt him grab the front of my shirt, and he lifted my tiny body onto the bed behind me. I waited until I felt his breath on my face, then kicked out with one of my feet, hitting him where it hurts. He groaned and grabbed the ends of my hairs, pulling it hard as he fell back a little. I let out a little squeak of pain when he stood up and threw me to the floor by my hair._

_A kick landed in my stomach and I gasped in pain as I felt something give way and crack beneath his foot. He kicked me again, this time in the same spot that I kicked him in. Since I'm a girl, you may not think that this really hurts, but trust me, it does._

"_Worthless chit!"He growled out when he grabbed my shoulder and lifted me off of the floor, throwing me into the wall._

_Go away go away go away go away. I chanted in my mind, praying that I would be able to cover everything up when I went to school in the morning. _

_Stars appeared in front of my eyes and I blacked out of a moment, coming to as h was pulling off my shirt, ripping it down the middle and exposing my bruised and bony abdomen. No no no no no no no, I cried in my mind, trying desperately to scramble away. Not again, not again. Tears were coursing freely down my face now, and I couldn't keep the sobs inside._

_I couldn't get away, I tried, but I couldn't, and I didn't._

_I never got away._

I woke up screaming. Shocker.

As i bolted upright in the bed I slapped a hand over my mouth to shut myself up. i kept screaming against my hand, then turning over and shoved my head into the pillow. My heart was hammering heavily beneath my ribs, and i thought I was going to crap myself when the door creaked open.

"Lucie?" The voice was tentative, light and female with a slight nasal quality to it. It must be Alice, I decided.

How embarrassing. The girl who I punched in the face on meeting her comes in to comfort me in the middle of the night. How lovely.

"Go away, now." I told her sharply, the words somewhat loosing their effect through the pillow. I was covered in sweat, and I felt a pool of warm liquid underneath me. Shit. I had wet the bed.

"Lucie, you were screaming." No, really? I hadn't noticed. "And," she sniffed, then hesitated, "I'm going to go get Dad." I lifted my face from the pillow to tell her to stop, and to not get them but she was already gone.

"Shit. Shitshitshitshit."I groaned, stuffing my face back into the pillow. I wanted nothing more then to disappear right now, as I heard footsteps coming down the stairs.

"Lucie?" It was Carlisle. I stayed silent, mortified. "Lucie, Alice said that you had a bad dream, and that you may have had an accident." An accident? What was I, four? No, you're twelve. Three times four, actually, and you _should not_ be wetting the bed. Idiot.

"Nope, I'm fine. I'm just going to go use the bathroom." I knew he didn't believe me, my voice was scratchy from screaming, but i wanted to get out of the bed and away form the situation as fast as possible.

I scrambled out of the bed and through the bathroom door. I shut the door, leaning against it with a sigh as I heard Carlisle start ruffling around in the bedroom, changing the sheets.

I looked at myself in the mirror for a moment, sneering at my ugly reflection, then took off my top and bottoms and underwear and washed my wet legs with a wash cloth.

I examined myself in the floor length mirror, my face twisting at my mess of a body. I was covered in scars. A long one stretched from my belly button to just under my ribs, and there were slightly faded belt marks on my thighs. I knew that if I turned around my back would be covered in the same markings, with some burn marks mixed in for good measure.A long scar curled from my right temple, down past my ear and around my neck. the reason I always wore my long hair down. On the inside of my left wrist there were perfectly straight, jagged scars. Some crisscrossed each other, some were pink and healing, others faded and white. The reason I always kept my arms close to my body, or wore a long sleeved shirt.

I could count my ribs, which didn't bother me all that much, but still. I knew that most people wouldn't find it pretty. It wasn't that I was interested in a boyfriend, I though with a shudder, I don't think I'll ever really be interested in getting a boyfriend. But it would be nice if people thought I was pretty. Yeah, I would like that.

I ran my eyes up and down my body once again, and sighed. There was no way anyone would ever think I was pretty.

I jumped at the sound of a knock on the door.

"Lucie, your bed is ready. We have to talk though." Oh no, we are _not _ talking.

"It's alright, you can leave." I told him, knowing that he wouldn't listen.

"Lucie, I need to speak with you." He told me sternly. What about? Was he mad at me? What did he do to his kids when they were in trouble? I though frantically, trying to figure it out. He was a doctor, I'm sure he could find a way to cover everything up.

Shit.

"No, you don't." I told him sharply, as I grabbed a towel from the rack and wrapped it around myself.

I gather my wet clothing, holding them in front of me. I had to get out of the bathroom, then maybe he would leave me alone. I could tell the light was still off in the bedroom, so there was no chance he could see my body very well, and my hair covered the scars on my face.

I opened the door and pushed past him.

"Move." He let me by and I dumped the clothing into a basket beside the dresser, then got another pair of underwear and pants out from the dresser, slipping them on underneath the towel.

"Turn around." I demanded rudely. He did so and I kept my eyes on him as I changed my shirt, making sure he wouldn't turn around. Good. He didn't.

"Go away." I told him sharply, climbing back into bed. Maybe if he saw that Iw as going to go back to sleep he would leave.

No such luck. "Lucie, I'm not going to leave. We need to talk about this." He told me with a sigh, running a hand through his rumpled blonde hair. He went and turned the light on and shut the door.

"Please leave." I asked him in a small voice, brining the covers up to my chin and curling my knees up against my chest.

"Please leave." She asked me in a small voice, trying to hide beneath the covers. I hid my slight confusion behind a concerned expression. Where had the demanding, angry girl gone? Why did this scared child come out?

"Do you want to talk about your dream?" He asked me gently. No, I did not want to talk about it. I had already relived it once, why would I want to do it again?

"No."

"You know you can come and talk to me and Esme at any time, right?"

No. "Yeah."

"You don't have to be embarrassed about these things, it's all perfectly natural."

It is not natural for a twelve year old girl to wake up screaming and wet the bed. "Uh huh."

"You don't have to be afraid of me." He aid softly. I froze. Yes, I do.

"Sure." Please leave.

"Lucie..." I saw him take a step forward and my heart sped up.

"We just want to help." Well, _that_ was complete bullshit.

"Yeah." He sighed.

"I guess I'll see you in the morning. Well, it's already morning, I guess," he said with a glance at the clock. Four o'clock. "Good night. Please call if you need anything."

"Yep." Then he turned the light off and exited the room. Thank god.

_So, chapter one._

_Yeah, there it is...did you like it? Did it effect you at all?_

_Review, please._


	2. Do You Know?

_Tell Them To Remember The Stars_

_This story contains child abuse. I can't tell you right now if it will get graphic or not, but I'll put up a warning at the top of chapters that I think may bother people._

_Lucie is my own character._

_I've had personal experience with child abuse, so some of this is taken from my own experiences. Please do not be offended by anything that is said, or done in this fic. It will not always be sad, and depressing, though the beginning of it will be._

_Alice can see the future and the past._

_The entire Cullen family will be involved, minus Bella._

_Thank you, and enjoy :)_

Lock me away.

No one understands me, but that's not why I stay.

"Things could be worse." You say.

But you haven't been where I've been, so come down this way.

I'll show you how I became this.

And how good behavior, earns me a kiss.

An unwanted one at that.

I smell the ground everyday- Maddison

_Chapter Two: Do you know?_

Last Time

"Please leave." She asked me in a small voice, trying to hide beneath the covers. I hid my slight confusion behind a concerned expression. Where had the demanding, angry girl gone? Why did this scared child come out?

"Do you want to talk about your dream?" He asked me gently. No, I did not want to talk about it. I had already relived it once, why would I want to do it again?

"No."

"You know you can come and talk to me and Esme at any time, right?"

No. "Yeah."

"You don't have to be embarrassed about these things, it's all perfectly natural."

It is not natural for a twelve year old girl to wake up screaming and wet the bed. "Uh huh."

"You don't have to be afraid of me." He aid softly. I froze. Yes, I do.

"Sure." Please leave.

"Lucie..." I saw him take a step forward and my heart sped up.

"We just want to help." Well, _that_ was complete bullshit.

"Yeah." He sighed.

"I guess I'll see you in the morning. Well, it's already morning, I guess," he said with a glance at the clock. Four o'clock. "Good night. Please call if you need anything."

"Yep." Then he turned the light off and exited the room. Thank god.

This Time

I didn't sleep again, I just lay awake four another four hours, waiting for the sound of life to begin outside my closed door.

At 8:00am I heard a door open, and shut. Then another, and another until I knew that everyone was awake and probably in the kitchen, or dining room, or whatever.

I got dressed quickly, deciding on a pair of dark skinny jeans, and long sleeved black shirt. I put a pair of house shoes and waited for someone to come and get me. After all, I had no idea where anything really was.

I didn't have to wait very long.

"Hi!" it was Alice. Great, just great. The perky girl who had caught me wetting the bed . Just lovely.

Alice promptly ignored my cold demeanor and began to laugh lightly. "Hungry?" I nodded, and followed her down the hallway. We went down the huge stair case, took a right, and ended up in a kitchen. Black granite table tops dominated the room and stainless steel appliances lined the counter.

Esme was cooking at the stove, and Carlisle sat reading the paper. I looked at the clock and it read 8:37pm.

"Please, sit down." Carlisle said, gesturing to the seat across form him.

I did so and looked around myself to see that every member of the house hold were also sitting at the was already food lad out, and Emmet had a huge pile of pancakes and sausage stacked in front of him and was shoveling it down his throat as fast as possible. Rose had a couple of pancakes, and sliced each one into perfect triangles before eating. Edward had french toast drenched in syrup, and Jasper ate a bagel and some sausage.

Alice had just sat down next to me and was filling her plate with fruit and pancakes.

Someone had already placed a glass of orange juice in front of me, and I took one pancake and one piece of sausage and placed them on my plate with a bit of fruit. I wasn't even sure if I could eat all of that, but I wanted to gain a little bit of weight so I would try.

"So, are you going to scream like that every night?" Rose asked me snidely. I struggled to keep my anger off of my face as I cut up my pancake.

"So, are you going to act like a conceited bitch ever morning?" She gasped and Carlisle gave both of us a reprimanding look.

"Lucie, language. Rose, you know better then to say things like that." I rolled my eyes and Rose glared at me hotly.

I finished all of my pancake and half of my sausage before I was to full to eat anymore. Esme looked at me disapprovingly from the seat she had taken next to Carlisle.

"Lucie, you need to eat more then that." She told me gently, but with a note of sternness.

"I'm full." I told her honestly.

"You cannot honestly be full after eating only that." Emmet spoke in a voice filled with disbelief.

"Well I am. I don't need to eat like a boar to be full." I told him sharply. I just wished they would all leave me alone, it wasn't my fault I had trouble eating. They just didn't understand.

Emmet didn't even look offended, he just shrugged his shoulders and kept eating.

"Lucie," Carlisle began with a sigh, "if you are certain you can't eat any more then that is fine. We just ask that you try." Well, that was nice of him I suppose. I nodded and shifted uncomfortably in my seat, not sure what to do.

"Jasper, why don't you go show Lucie the recreation room?"" Esme suggested. Jasper was the only other person who was finished with breakfast so he nodded and stood, gesturing for me to follow him out of the room.

"You don't have to do this you know. I know you're only doing this because Esme told you to." He glanced back at me, a smile playing at his lips.

"No, I'm not." He said simply. We went through the living room and entered another large room. It was filled with books, DVDs, a large TV arm chairs, couches, board games. there was a Wii and Xbox, a playstation and more. Soft carpet ran from wall to wall and there were to floor to ceiling windows on either side of the TV with heavy drapes so the light could be shut out.

"You wanna watch a movie?" I nodded yes and went over to the movies to pick one out. _Moulin Rouge, The Lion Kind, Where The Red Fern Grows, Mirrors, Lady and The Tramp._ Perfect. Yeah, it was a little kids movie but I loved it. I popped it in the DVD player and turned the television on, plopping back on the couch to watch it. Jasper sat on the couch next to me, after drawing the curtains shut. The huge TV and the darkness of the room gave it a movie theater like quality.

I laughed at some parts of the movie, but felt my eyelids growing heavy about halfway through. I struggled to keep them open but lost the battle and drifted off to sleep.

I woke up when the lights we turned on, and immediately felt my face heat up. I was curled against Jasper's side, my head leaning on his shoulder. He didn't seem to mind, but I was frightfully embarrassed.

"Aw, you two are so cute!" Alice squealed happily. I rolled my eyes and picked myself up off of Jasper.

"Jazz, you're so adorable." She told him happily. A smiled quirked on his lips. Alice came around the couch and perched on Jasper's lap. Clearly a couple.

"So, when do I get to take you shopping?" She asked me excitedly, practically bouncing up and down.

"Never."She just shook it off and shook her head.

"Oh silly, of course we'll be able to go shopping!" It shocked me that a sixteen year old girl could be so...immature.

"I am not going shopping with you." I told her sharply. No doubt she would dress me in frills and lace.

"Why not?" She asked, tilting her head to the side.

"Well, because I find you immature and annoying."

"You're kind of a bitch." that was Rose, now entering the room and standing with her arms crossed.

"Wow, really? Thanks ever so much." I told her with a fake smile, batting my eyelashes.

"you've hardly been here for more then a day and a half and you're pushing everyone away. you punched Alice in the face, drew _blood_, and woke the entire house up with your stupid screaming. You refused to eat Esme's cooking, and you're as rude as they get." She told me angrily.

"Oh, and you're just a bundles of flowers and chocolate yourself, huh? The first thing you told me was that I looked like a hooker. Not exactly going to endear me to you, is it?" Rose just huffed, and Alice was glancing between the two of us frantically. I stood up and walked out the room, traveling up the staircase to my own bedroom.

If they expected me to act like a happy little girl, they had another thing coming.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Good god, what a brat." I exclaimed, sitting gracefully on the couch next to Jazz and Alice.

"You know, I bet she doesn't even mean half the things she says." Jazz said thoughtfully, and Alice nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, whatever. Whether she means it or not is beside the point. She's a twelve year old girl for pete's sake. There's no excuse for the way she's acting." I exclaimed. Alice looked at me thoughtfully.

"But what if there is? I mean what if there is an excuse for the way she's acting?" I looked at her, my gaze questioning.

"You know how you and Jazz were when you got here. And then when I got here, and then Emmet. We were all pretty messed up. We all needed help, maybe different kinds, but we all needed it. What if she just needs a little bit of help too?" I considered the thought. She may be right, but I just couldn't stand people acting the way she did.

"I guess so."

"When she fell asleep on me," Jazz began and I smirked. She had fallen asleep on him? "Her hair fell back." He spoke quietly. "there was a long scare curving from the top of her right temple down behind her ear, and back to her neck. I also saw the top of a scar on her collar bone. She's been hurt before, Rose." I was a little shocked at this revelation. Surely she couldn't have been from a place like me and Jazz had? Could she? Jazz and I had come from an abusive home. Jazz got most of the physical, and i got the pressure form my Mother to be skinny, beautiful, and to be perfect. She hated me in her own way, and her words hurt worse then any physical violence she could have inflicted on me. I think that's why she did it, because she knew that that was the worst for me.

"She probably just fell down or something." I told him, tentatively.

He shook his head, his eyes knowing.

"I don't think so, Rose. I don't think so."

"I haven't seen her smile yet. I mean not _ really_ smile." Alice said sadly, shaking her head.

"I guess." I agreed, shifting uncomfortably.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I kicked the wall of the bedroom in frustration. I had no idea what to do. I wanted at least somewhat enjoy my stay here, I was getting tired of being shipped around to different houses. I just couldn't imagine settling in somewhere, and I had no idea what 'home' really meant. There was nothing good about home in my mind. It was nearing eleven o'clock and I knew that soon Carlisle would come to take em up to his office to give me an examination.

I was sure that this was one of the reasons that they had placed me with the Cullen's. Carlisle is a doctor, and so he could take care of most of my problems. Or, well, he knew how to deal with them anyway.

I was supposed to be weighed everyday, and have an examination every week. I was on suicide watch still, so I wasn't allowed to be alone in the house, ever. I was reduced to using nair instead of shaving, and I wore velcro shoes or flats so I couldn't hang myself with my shoelaces.

"Lucie," That was Carlisle, "please come out so I can give you your check up." i came out of the room after taking a deep breath and followed him down the hall and into what I assumed was his study. There was a scale in there, as well as some other medical equipment.

"Alright, so as you doctor," he looked at me sternly, "I need to know what happened last night." Shit. I should have seen that one coming.

"I had a bad dream, I'm sorry Sir. It won't happen again." It would happen again, I knew it would but I also knew to try and pacify him for as long as possible. I didn't want to piss him off.

He sighed, "Lucie, it will happen again. According to your file you have a history of violent nightmares and of bed wetting." Ew. Bed wetting.

"Well, Sir, since you have my file you shouldn't have to ask me any questions." I told him snidely. That will teach him to think that a pile of paper can tell him who I am.

"I don't believe that, Ms. Cross." Great. He was going to formalities now. Joy.

I stayed silent and he continued.

"I placed a plastic barrier underneath your sheets last night." Oh. My. God.

"You won't notice it, but it will make cleaning up less complicated." How embarrassing. My face was heating up drastically.

"Now, I'd like to talk about your eight." I rolled my eyes. "You are drastically underweight. You weighed in at ninety two pounds last time you were weighed. Please step on the scale over there so we can see if you have improved at all." I did so, and read the numbers, ninety five.

"Good, you've gained a few pounds. I saw that you didn't eat very much this morning. I'll be laying out your breakfast each morning from now on. I'll actually be putting out each of your meals, and I expect you to eat all of the food on your plate. You won't leave the table until you do so." I gasped in shock, glaring at him. The nerve this man had!

"Lucie, it's for your own good, and as your doctor I have to look out for your best interests."

"Whatever." I bit out angrily. He reached out slowly and took my wrist in his hand.

"Now, I need to check your arm and make sure nothing is getting infected, and that there are no new cuts." He told me with a stern glance as he pushed my sleeve up. He poked at them for a bit and then l looked me in the face.

"Now, Lucie, I know you'll be uncomfortable with what I have to do next-"

"No." I knew what he was going to do, he was going to ask me to take off my clothes.

"Ms. Cross, it is nescasary to look at the rest of your wounds to insure your safety." I started to back away form him, my heart hammering against my ribs.

"No." I told him again, sharply. He stepped toward me, one of his hands outstretched. I gasped and retreated more quickly my hand scrambling for the door handle behind me.

"Ms. Cross, please, calm down-"

"NO!" I screamed, yanking the door open and bolting down the hallway. I nearly ran into Edward, but I pushed past him and raced down the stairs. I could hear Carlisle running behind me and telling me to stop, but I wasn't going to. I didn't even see Emmet blocking the front door until I ran flat into him.

"Lucie! What are you doing?" He asked when I landed on my bum in front of him.

"Move!" I yelled at him, scrambling to my feet. I heard footsteps and glanced around, seeing Alice, Jasper, and Rose all coming into the hallway to see what was going on. Carlisle had caught up with me and I was stuck between the two men. Shit.

I couldn't breathe and I scratched at my neck, convinced that if I ripped my throat open I would be able to breathe again. I could feel tears crossing down my face and my eyes burned, and my chest burned.

Things started to go blurry and I felt Carlisle put a hand on my shoulder I flinched away and struck out weakly, terrified.

I felt myself falling, and my eyes rolled back in my head.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

We heard screaming and yelling coming from the direction of the front door and raced out of the rec room to see what the hell was going on.

I felt my eyes widen in shock at what I saw.

Lucie was laying on the floor in front of Emmet, looking terrified. She scrambled to her feet, glancing around, uttering. She spun around and saw us, then saw Carlisle coming up behind her.

She was gasping for breath, and I knew she couldn't breathe.

I had suffered from panic attacks for the first few months when we moved to the Cullen house, and they were terrible. It was clear from the look on her face that she had no idea what was happening to her though.

"Oh my gosh." I heard Alice whisper beside. Jazz drew her into his side and she hid her face in his chest.

Lucie was crying now, red faced. There were bleeding scratch marks on her neck form her own hands, and her eyes were starting to roll back in her head. Carlisle placed a hand on her shoulder and she fell into a dead faint, Emmet catching her from behind.

There was a sudden, eery silence in the hall as Carlisle check her vitals and sighed.

"It's alright, kids. She just had a panic attack. She'll be alright. Emmet, would you mind carrying her up to her room for me?" He shock his head and followed Carlisle up the stairs.

"Holy shit."

"You're telling me. She nearly plowed me over in her haste to get down here." That was Edward, standing near the staircase.

"What set her off?"

"I dunno. she just came bolting out of Carlisle study like a bat out of hell screams 'No!" he explained, confused.

"Alice, she'll be alright. You heard Carlisle, it was just a panic attack." Jazz told Alice comfortingly, leading her away. We followed him into the Living room, all of us finding a seat on the couch or in one of the arm chairs.

"But, Jazz she looked awful she was so _scared_."

It was true. She had looked terrified.

"Do you know anything about her?" Edward asked, to no on in particular.

"No, just that she has nightmares."

"And she wets the bed." Alice said quietly. I froze. She wet the bed? Ew.

"That's nasty." I commented.

"Yeah, but can you imagine how scary hr dreams must be to have that kind of an effect on her?" Alice asked sadly. I nodded, I can't imagine what kind of dreams I would have to have to make me do that.

"Rose, you remember, before we got out, how Dad would hurt me?" I winced and nodded.

"Well, when he used to hit me, and stuff, I always thought that everyone would do it to me. That there really was no good in the world." Yeah, i knew that. He had been horribly depressed for months after we had gotten out of there. It took him a long time to get over everything. Sometimes I still thought he wasn't over it, past all the horrible things that had happened.

"Well, when we first came here I was suspicious of Mom and Dad, and I didn't want Dad to come near me. Kind of like Lucie doesn't, you know?"

I though about this for a moment. there were certainly parallels between Jazz and Lucie, ones that I hadn't seen before.

"Maybe you should talk to her?" Edward suggested, "Tell her that you understand? Maybe then she'll feel like she's not so alone in this house."

"Maybe. When Carlisle tells us she's awake I'll go up and see her I guess. No time like the present."

"Just be careful Jazz." Alice told him, worried.

"Don't worry, I will be."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Carlisle left the room. He had gotten the examination he wanted while I stood there, silent. Moments after he left there was another knock on the door, and Jasper entered.

"Hey."

"What do you want?" I asked numbly. I really didn't want to talk to anyone right now.

"Well, I heard what happened and I though maybe we could talk?" He said it like a question, and sat down on my bed, beside where I was laying.

"I don't want to talk."

"Look, Lucie, I know how you feel. I think I went through some of the things you did, and I can understand and I just want you to know that you're not alone here." I know he said the words in a way that wasn't meant to be condescending, or mean, or rude, or assuming, but it just pissed me off. He understood me? He knew how I felt that's was bullshit.

"Do you know what it's like to live with fear? To be afraid every day of your life, and to know you can't escape from the the source of your fear?Do you know what it's like to struggle for acceptance, and find only criticism and condemnation instead? Do you know what it's like to wake in the morning and know that nothing you do today will be right? Do you know what it's like to wake in the morning and KNOW that today you will be hit. To know that if today is a "good" day, you'll only get a couple of slaps across the face, and if it's a bad day, you could find a hand around your neck, shutting off your windpipe until you pass out. Do you know what it's like to hear words such as "you're useless", "you're stupid", "no-one will ever love you", and to hear these words so often you believe them? Do you know what it's like to feel as if every breath you draw is a waste of oxygen. To feel as if suicide is the only option? Do you know what it feels like to think you are so useless you can't even kill yourself properly? Do you know what it is like to reach for help, only to find none, and then find things are actually worse because the one causing your pain now holds another grudge against you?" I spoke angrily, tears streaming down my face by the time I was finished with my little speech. Good god, I can't believe I just said all of that. Jasper was still sitting there, sadness and shock on his face.

"Yeah. I do. And I know you have had the courage and strength to turn your life around, and find all the beauty and goodness buried deep inside you. Because it _is_ there, no matter what anyone else tells you. The healing road is long and hard, but it is worth the journey."

He said yes. He said yes, that he did understand. That statement floored me. I had never met anyone who understood me before, or who even wanted to.

"Do you really understand? Or are you just saying that?" I asked him meekly, all my anger flooding out of me.

He sighed, and began to speak. "Look, Lucie, before Rose and I came here we lived with our Mum and Dad. I got the physical punishment, and Rose got the verbal. I don't really want to go into detail, but, yeah. I get how you feel."

He understands...

"I'm just afraid." I whispered, knowing that I could trust him. I had no idea how I knew that I could trust him, I just did.

"You don't have to be." He told me softly.

"Yeah, I do. I can't help it." I told him, he sighed.

"Yeah, I know." We sat there like that for while, before my rumbling stomach startled both of us and we laughed.

"C'mon. Lunch should be ready about now." He held out his hand and I took it. He helped me off the bed and opened the door.

"Thanks, Jasper."

"No problem." He responded, smiling lightly. We walked down the hallway, and there was a strange sense of calm surrounding me. When I entered the kitchen, all conversation stopped, and all yes turned to me for a moment. I blushed, then put up my mask and scowled.

"What are you looking at?" They all turned back to their meals and I heard Jasper sigh behind me.

_That's chapter two. Poor Lucie had an eventful day, huh?_

_Do you know, by Carrie V. was inspiration in these chapter._

_Review, please!_


	3. She's Been Torn Apart

_Tell Them To Remember The Stars_

_This story contains child abuse. I can't tell you right now if it will get graphic or not, but I'll put up a warning at the top of chapters that I think may bother people._

_Lucie is my own character._

_I've had personal experience with child abuse, so some of this is taken from my own experiences. Please do not be offended by anything that is said, or done in this fic. It will not always be sad, and depressing, though the beginning of it will be._

_Alice can see the future and the past._

_The entire Cullen family will be involved, minus Bella._

_Thank you, and enjoy :)_

A bruise on her leg

A scar on her face

Why would she be

In such a horrible place?

But she grabs her bear

And softly crys

She loves her parents

But they want her to die- unknown

This chapter speaks about things that may make some readers uncomfortable.

_Chapter Three: She's Been Torn Apart_

Last Time

He said yes. He said yes, that he did understand. That statement floored me. I had never met anyone who understood me before, or who wanted to.

"Do you really understand? Or are you just saying that?" I asked him meekly, all my anger flooding out of me.

He sighed, and began to speak. "Look, Lucie, before Rose and I came here we lived with our Mum and Dad. I got the physical punishment, and Rose got the verbal. I don't really want to go into detail, but, yeah. I get how you feel."

He understands...

"I'm just afraid." I whispered, knowing that I could trust him. I had no idea how I knew that I could trust him, I just did.

"You don't have to be." He told me softly.

"Yeah, I do. I can't help it." I told him, he sighed.

"Yeah, I know." We sat there like that for while, before my rumbling stomach startled both of us and we laughed.

"C'mon. Lunch should be ready about now." He held out his hand and I took it. He helped me off the bed and opened the door.

"Thanks, Jasper."

"No problem." He responded, smiling lightly. We walked down the hallway, and there was a strange sense of calm surrounding me. When I entered the kitchen, all conversation stopped, and all yes turned to me for a moment. I blushed, then put up my mask and scowled.

"What are you looking at?" They all turned back to their meals and I heard Jasper sigh behind me.

This Time

"_Momma?" I walked into the living room, looking for Momma, but I couldn't find her. I looked at the scruffy man sitting on the couch and pulled at his sleeve._

"_Excuse me, Mister, but do you know where my Momma is? I gotta talk to her." I told the man. He turned to me and smiled, yellow teeth showing clearly._

"_What do wanna tell her sugar?" He asked. I didn't think anything of it, I just smiled showing off my two lost front teeth._

"_Well, Sir, I drew a picture in school today and my teacher gave me a gold star. I wanna tell Momma 'bout it."_

"_Well, sugar your Momma's out right now. Why don't you just go back to bed?" He told me nicely. This man seemed to be a nice guy, and I liked him._

"_I don't wanna go to bed, Sir, I'm not very tired. Can I stay out hear with you?" I asked quietly, looking at him nervously. I knew my Momma would be mad at me for talking to the man, but maybe he'd be my friend. If he would be my friend then it would be worth it._

"_Sure, sugar, you can next to me. The TV don't work though, so you'll have to put up with just me for company." He had a strange twinkle in his eye but I brushed it off as I scrambled up onto the couch to sit next to him. He put an arm around my shoulder and drew me close to him. _

"_Mister, I don't like being touch so much." I told him wiggling to get of his grip. He just tightened it and growled at me._

"_You shoulda stayed in your room sugar." He told me. I looked up at him, not understanding. His breath smelt like garlic and I wrinkled my nose at it. Ew._

"_When will my Momma be home?" I asked him nervously._

"_Not for a while now sugar. I'll be sure to give her extra though..._

I gasped, chocking on my sobs. It had been the first time...I hated it. I hated it so much. I hated myself, I hated my body and my stupidity. I was gross, ugly, dirty and tainted. I was hardly thinking when I went to my suitcases hidden in the back of the closet and pulled out my last razor blade.

I didn't even go into the bath room. I just yanked my sleeve up and drew a sharp line down my arm. I sighed with relief and repeated the motion twice more. I dropped the blade on the floor and let my bleeding arm hang limp beside my body. I sat curled up in the back of my walk in closet.

Life doesn't matter, love doesn't matter. Being happy doesn't matter, and anger, pain and fear don't matter. I sobbed brokenly like a baby, rocking back and forth.

That's where i stayed for the rest of the night, until I saw the light of dawn peaking through the windows outside of my closet. I stood, my throat dry and my eyes burning and began my morning routine robotically.

Shower.

Wash face.

Get dressed.

Brush hair.

Put make up on.

Make bed.

Try not to fall apart.

I stumbled on my way to the kitchen, nearly falling down the stairs. Rose steadied me when I tripped on the rug in the living room, but I said nothing. staying silent until I sat down at the table, staring blankly at the meal in front of me.

I felt sick. there was no way I was going to eat this morning, no matter what Carlisle or Esme said or did to make me. There was no way.

It took them fifteen minutes for them to say anything.

"Lucie, please start eating your food. Your french toast is going to get cold." Esme told me gently, laying a hand on my shoulder as she passed. I tensed. Mothers were BS and I hated her treating me like she was my mother.

"I'm not eating."

"So you not like french toast, I can make you something else if you'd like. Maybe some fruit or-"

"I'm not eating." I cut her off, sharply. No one said anything for a moment. All the others paused in their eating, then resumed when given a look form Carlisle.

"Lucie, we spoke about this. You've eaten just fine the past two days, you were off to a good start. Don't start this now." He said in a calm tone, not accusing me of anything, just stating facts. It was my fourth day with the Cullens and I was getting used to living with them, and I was learning about each individual. Carlisle so far didn't seem like that bad of a guy, but there was no way I was going to trust him. I hadn't seen him yell, or raise his voice, or punish anyone yet besides scolding them lightly, but I wouldn't put it past him to do something violent.

"I don't want to eat, Sir."

"Why don't you just try a bite, Lucie? It's really good." Emmet suggested. He was just trying to be nice but I wasn't in the mood and I couldn't help the glare that I sent to him.

"You know you're not leaving the table until you eat your meal Lucie."

"I know." I told him, and I did know that. i guess I would just be spending the day sitting at the kitchen table. that was alright, I didn't really have anything to do anyway. The padded seat was comfortable enough, and I was certain I could out wait him.

Slowly all of the others left the table, and Esme cleaned up most of the plates and things from the table, leaving out the syrup, my plate, and a glass of juice. I sat there, and pushed my plate away from me and laid my head down on the table. I couldn't even handle thinking about eating right now.

"Nuh uh. sit up Lucie." Carlisle told me. I did so, glaring at him. He would not beat me on this one.

"Esme, dear, I'm leaving for work now but I'll be back around one to check up on Lucie and the others. She is not to move from this spot until _all_ of her breakfast is finished."

"Alright, Carlisle. Have a nice day at work!"

I closed my eyes, thinking.

How was i going to hide the new cuts from Carlisle? My next appointment with him was not for another three days for so, but I knew they would not heal up that quickly. It would probably take about a week for them to completely heal. I had to delay the appointment somehow. If he found them I had no idea what he would do.

I was starting to breathe quickly, so I tried to steady my breathing for a moment, telling myself to calm down.

"I'll be in the living room if you need me, Lucie." Esme told me, exiting the kitchen after I nodded.

"_Lucie! what the hell are you doing?" My Mom yelled. I let the fridge door shut with a thud, frozen in my spot._

"_Mom, I was just getting something to eat..." I reeled backwards as she slapped me across the face._

"_You're eating us out of house and home Lucie! Get your face out of the fridge for once you selfish child!" She screamed. I hadn't eaten in three days, but I left the kitchen at a run._

"Lucie? Lucie, are you ok?" I opened my eyes to see Jasper inches away from me. I jumped back in my chair and tried to catch my breath.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I must have fallen asleep...what time is it?" He looked at me worriedly.

"It's almost eleven. Can you really not eat, Lucie? Or do you just not want to?"

I decided to be honest with him. "A little bit of both, I guess."

"I see. Well, I'll sit with you for a while, alright?"

"Ok." That was awful nice of him.

"Are you looking forward to next Monday? When you have your first day of school?"

"No, not really. I'm not looking forward to it."

"Why not?" He inquired curiously.

I shrugged. "I don't know. I'm just not very good with people. I get into fights and get in trouble a lot, and I'm not good at school either."

He tilted his head to the side in thought, "Maybe if you try? No offense, but you don't seem to be the school motivated type." I laughed lightly.

"I used to try, but it didn't work for me...I just couldn't do it, so I stopped trying. It's easier that way." He shook his head, smiling.

"I don't know what to think about you, Lu."

"Not many people do." I muttered, looking down at the table.

"Hey, just try to eat, huh? Maybe it'll make you feel better."

I sighed but pulled the plate closer to me, wrinkling my nose at the soggy mess. I sliced into it, forked a piece, lifted it to my mouth, and chewed. then had to shoot up from my chair and run to the nearest bathroom.

I spent the next hour hurling over the toilette seat with Jasper holding my hair back.

I think he's becoming my favorite Cullen, I though to myself between bouts of throwing up.

Esme came in at some point and left a glass of water on the sink. Once I was finished I laid down on the bathroom floor and told Jasper to go away, muttering. He left, knowing that now was not the time to argue with me.

God, how I _hate_ throwing up. It's nasty, and gross, and makes me feel tired and sick.

"Lucie?" Ugh. Carlisle. the last person I wanted to see right now.

"mhm."

"Eating didn't go over to well, I guess." You think? I told him I didn't want to eat, that I couldn't.

"Ya think?"

"Lu-" He stopped and grabbed my left arm. Shit, my sleeve had ridden up at some point during my episode, and the new, deep cuts were now visible.

"Lucie, what have you done?" He asked muttering. I felt my temper flare and I sat up and tried to snatch my arm away.

"Nothing. Go away, I don't need you here." I kept trying to pull my arm away but he held on with an iron grip.

"Lucie, come here." He had steel in his voice and the little girl in me coward. I gave in and came closer to him as he knelt down beside me.

"I need to get these dressed, and one of the need stitches." He said looking pointedly at the one cut that was still bleeding sluggishly. I said nothing, and had no choice but to follow him or be dragged as he made his way to his office.

He quickly stitched me up, then put cream on all of the cuts and wrapped them thickly in gauze.

"You cannot get the gauze wet. I'll change the dressings in two days know this changes things, Ms. Cross."

"I know." I whispered, feeling slightly ashamed fro some reason.

"You are no longer allowed to wear long sleeved shirts, or sweatshirts or jackets inside the house. Is that clear?" He asked me sternly. I nodded.

"May I go change now, Sir?"

"One moment." He reached into the desk drawer and pulled out a plain brown leather journal with a lock on it. " I want you to write in this journal, whenever you feel like you need to let something out. Instead of cutting, or getting angry, or doing something you may regret later on. Write anything you want, how you feel, things you want to remember, things you want to forget. How day went, etc. Alright?" I took the journal.

"Yes, Sir. _Now_ may I go?"

"You may. And, Lucie, remember we can talk."

I said nothing as I walked away.

I was allowed to opt out of lunch since I had been sick, but I still had to go to dinner that nigh, via Carlisle's orders.

I wore an orange tank top and a black skirt with leggings, and struggled to ignore the pointed stares that were directed towards my left arm. No doubt they knew why I was being forced to wear only t shirts and tank tops, and why my arm was wrapped in thick gauze. It wasn't that difficult to figure out.

It was silent for a few moments at the table, as Esme served everyone their meals and then sat down herself.

"How was everyone's day?" She asked happily, glancing around at everyone.

"Just peachy." I muttered darkly under my breathe. It earned me a pointed look from Carlisle, but I just glared back at him.

"It was alright. I can't wait to get to school on Monday though!" Alice said excitedly. I rolled my eyes and picked at my food.

"Whys that?"

"Well, it'll be Lucie's first day of course! so exciting!" She squealed. They all looked at e expectantly, but I only shrugged. Jasper already knew how I felt about the new school, and he was the only one that I really cared to know anyway.

"Good God, she's moody, suicidal, has an attitude problem, and hates to eat? Is there _something_ about this girl that is normal?" Rose growled when I sighed for the fifteenth time at dinner. Apparently she was getting sick of me, and it was pissing me off. My eyes flashed angrily.

"Why don't you just-" I was cut off by Carlisle raising a hand in my direction, I flinched back reflexively and again the table went silent.

"JESUS CHRIST!" I yelled in frustration, I violently pushed myself away from the table and stormed up to my room.

Why couldn't they all just leave me alone? It not _my_ fault I'm a freak. Jesus, I wish they would all just _go away_. I don't need them. If I had needed them, I would have gone to them, right? I wanted to die, not get stuck in the foster care system. Good lord I can't even do that right! I am such a fucking screw up!

I pulled out the journal that Carlisle had given me, and decided to keep track of the dreams I had been having. Maybe I could find a pattern or something, or figure out some way to make them go away...maybe getting it out on paper would help to get them out of my head enough that I might actually be able to sleep after one.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_Friday, 1:30am_

_Tonight I woke up crying again, and I wet the bed. I retreated to the bathroom while Esme and Carlisle came in to take care of it, and ignored them when they tried to talk to me. I just can't bring myself to talk about it. Saying it out loud makes it to real. I didn't even talk about my dreams, or the things that happened to me while I was in the hospital, or in the group home doing therapy._

_Anyway..._

_I was nine years old, and I had just come home form school. I was so happy, because my Mom was never really proud of me, but I had tried really, really hard at school this time and had gotten an 'A' on my spelling test. Spelling was one of my worst subjects, and I was hoping she would be happy._

_No such luck. She was drugged out on the couch, a dirty needle laying beside her. Of course, at that age I shouldn't have even known what drugs were, but I did. I knew all about it._

_I went over to her and shook her shoulder, to excited to even think about the consequences of what I was doing. She woke up and stared at me with blood shot eyes, growled and pushed me away from her. I smacked my head against the coffee table and started to bleed. I could feel tears trickling down my face, and I knew my Mom wouldn't like that. Crying was stupid._

_She hit me, again and again. I ran to my bedroom, crying and it only stopped when Jack came in the house, hollering for my Mom to get out there and pay. I heard things being thrown and glass shattering in the kitchen as I sat huddled against the bedroom wall, knees drawn to my chest, crying with blood dripping down my face._

_Saturday, 12:37am_

_This time I was screaming into my pillow. I was shaking and covered in cold sweat._

_I don't want to writ about what I saw._

_Sunday, 3:49am_

_Alice came in again tonight, like the first night I was here. She asked me what was wrong, and I couldn't answer her I was crying so hard. It's awful when I get like that. I can't even stop crying and I can hardly breathe. Sometimes when someone moves to quickly, or I see something, or...I don't know, anything. I get these flash backs sort of things. It's weird, but it feels like it's my Mom's hand flying at my face, or one of her 'guy friends' or something. I hate it, it makes me look weak, which is the last think that I want._

_I've been trying to stay away from Rose. God I hate her. Jasper told me about how hey had lived before they came here, but I still can't find it in me to be sympathetic towards her._

_My friend, Alliah was shot when I was seven years old. That's what I dreamt about tonight._

_I miss her._

First day of school for me. I decided to wear dark flare jeans, and a layered top. I kept my hair down, and slipped on my shoes before grabbing my back pack and running down the steps to meet Edward. I was riding with him to school today.

"Here's your schedule." He told me, handing me a piece of paper before starting the car and driving off.

8:05am-9:00am - English (13), Mrs. Dart

9:05am-10:00am- Algebra 1b (27), Mr. Grey

10:05am-11:00am- Art (102), Mr. Davis

11:05am-11:45- Lunch

11:50am-12:55pm- Integrated Science 1(7), Ms. Libya

1:00pm- 1:55pm- U.S. History (34), Mr. Fredrickson

2:00pm-2:55pm- Academic Lab, Library

3:00pm- Dismissal

I groaned at the packed schedule.

"What's wrong?" Edward asked, raising an eyebrow at me through the rearview mirror.

"Nothing. It's just a lot." I mumbled, embarrassed.

"Nah, it's not so bad. We'll help you with your homework if you need it. Jasper's a History buff, I'm pretty good at science, Alice is beast at Art, and Carlisle can help you with everything else. No worries."

"Yeah, I guess." He looked at me knowingly.

"Look, I know your probably nervous," I opened my mouth to protest but he held a hand up to stop me, "don't even try to deny it. Everyone is nervous when they start a new school, especially if it's in the middle of the school year. there will be kids that you don't like, and others that don't like you. You probably won't like all of your teachers, but you'll get through it. You'll make friends and find something that you love. Maybe you'll even play sports, or join a club or something."

"Maybe." I agreed. there was a vague possibility of me doing something more then school. Maybe, but probably not.

"Well, this is it. The principal said that you don't have to sign in with the office or anything, so you can just go to class I guess. There's a map on the back of the schedule of the school. Good luck."

"Bye Edward." I told him morosely, stepping out of the car. He drove away, leaving me standing in front of the building.

It was rather small, but knowing me I figured I'd get lost at least twice today.

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